I once asked a friend if he’d heard a song from an album he often sang from. And he said, “No dude.. it’s probably at the end of the album. I fall asleep by then.” I was wondering about it for a minute and that’s when I was hit by the importance of the “Shuffle” key.
The OCD in me cringes at the random order in which the songs are thrown at me. But I guess that’s the point of it.
The suspense of which song will play next. The feeling of being surprised when you expect a slow song, but a rocking upbeat song wakes you up from your daydreams. And then an unexpected song plays and speaks to you on a personal level like it were giving you a message from beyond. And you’re all like, “How did you know?!”
“Shuffle” kinda plays the same role in life, as well. When stuck in a rut, it is always helpful to just shuffle things up a bit. Probably turn things around in your schedule. Maybe meet people you haven’t been in touch with in a while. Maybe watch a movie you’ve always wanted to. Probably finish the book you’ve always intended to.
Or try something different. Read a book you’d have never read. Watch a movie that is so un-like you. Do something healthy like take a walk, that you’d probably never do. Look up the recipe and cook your favorite dish. Go for a meal alone.
Life won’t seem so stuck anymore. It won’t suck to be in the same place anymore. Because you’ll see it differently. The album would be the same, but the songs would be different. The order of things would be different. You’ll experience the same Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday-Friday differently than before. If anything, life will become interesting. And worth living another day.
At 5’3″ and a half (yes, that half is very important), you’d think I’ll be content with my height. But if you spend half as much time as I do with the kids in school you’d empathize. Children these days seem to grow like Jack’s beanstalk. With a bunch of them standing around me I find myself lost in the midst of tall trees dressed in school uniforms. Needless to say, I don’t step out of my room during recess.
In my first week of work I remember I had arranged for a session with an 8th grade class. I still remember exactly how the first few minutes of that session went. I entered the class extremely confident. And as soon as I did, everyone in class stood up to greet me. That is when my confidence shook a bit. Your’s would too if you couldn’t see past the first bench. Quickly I asked them to be seated. In the pretext of keeping my stuff away I turned away and took a deep breath. The session went quite well, thankfully. (I didn’t ask them to stand again.) After that I kinda got used to it; really tall kids crowding me in the hallway or in classrooms.
But then I started to wear wedges that were not just comfortable, they also helped elevate my self-esteem. Of course, its all in my head. But if that helps my confidence, then why not. A few inches of extra height never hurt anyone.
A year and a half into working here and I find that its not just my students that make me feel really small. A lot of people that I have come know and care about, too are really tall. It kinda makes it easier to not be bothered by their height. I mean, sure they are really tall and I’d look small even if I wore pumps. But it doesn’t really matter when you are comfortable with yourself and with them too.
I’m sure none of these people care about my height. Tiny insecurities like these tend to make their way into our oh-so-brilliant minds and have us obsessed with them. But it is alright to feel insecure once in a while. But accepting yourself just the way you are is the first step in others accepting you. Acceptance starts from within.